okay warning.
i am feeling very argh and ugh those type of mood now.
like aiya i dunno la.
i always say i wanna treasure my life now.
my friends now.
but i never seem to do it.
i still brush them off when i am busy.
or with other stuff.
with other people.
or sometimes simply because i have no interest.
but thats like eating my own words.
just a few days ago i was still telling nick chia about me missing my primary school friends.
like.
i remember in sec 1 we kept really close contact.
like real close.
i remember crying my eyes out every other night after the realisation came to me that oh we are going to go our seperate ways.
that feeling was just. wahh. cannot take it.
but somehow what happened along the way?
we make new friends, we break old ones.
its totally like not worth it lo.
i can like count with one hand the primary school friends i actually talk to.
its damn pathetic la.
everytime i talk online with them
we would always go down to the topic of organising a meet up session or whatnot.
but nobody bothers to actually go down and do it.
its too much of a hassle.
everyones contact changed, everyone changed.
i really envy my class guys.
despite being in different schools.
they managed to keep in CLOSE contact, go out. even have sleepovers.
and they say girls are better at such stuff. HAH.
what happen la.
i remember having alot of other classes friends too.
but what happened?
hai.
okay back to now den.
like okay i am about to move on. leave AHS.
den it dawned to me.
actually all the friends that i have now.
no matter whether they are very close friends.
hi bye friends.
its a very high possibility of us not keeping in contact after this year.
its very sad.
so what if theres facebook msn.
theres still a diff.
i am never one who is good at keeping friendships close.
i also dunno why.
that may be just me.
but i certainly wanna keep my friends.
i dunno la.
like sj too.
i dunno la. i just dunnohow to say it out.
but the feeling just isnt nice.
if now i dun dare to say we would keep close, what more after o's and everything sets in?
okay i know its 2.03am in the morning and its stupid to tihnk of such things instead of sleeping.
but still.
this thought keeps me from sleeping.
like i am afraid.
i dun wanna get on with life, look back and realise that i have done nothing this 4 years.
people say sec school life is the best.
jc life can never beat that.
but to look back in my 3.5 years.
like walao.
i hvae nothing to my name.
it just doesnt feel right.
its a pity when there are friends everywhere.
but when somehow to point out a very friend that matters the most.
i cant do it.
sure i can name a few, but its really different when its just one. or maybe 2.
its just different.
it hurts i guess.
i know i have to focus on my prelims or even my o's and thinking about such things now is stupid.
and i haven even finished my homework.
but yea lo.
even ranting doesnt do good to this matter.
okay i shall think of how to improve this situation.
i wanna treasure my friends now.
get back lost relationships not only in AHS but also in coral.
i wanna. at least try my best.
and when i say it i wanna do it.
i dun wanna make empty talk once again like always.
and at the same time. i wanna gao hao my xue ye also la.
like at least finsih my homework and start revising.
everyones stressing over prelims i dunno what the hell am i doing.
yes amandatan can do this.
